The phone is ringing; it's my client. I feel my reptilian brain starting to take over and have no idea what I'm going to tell them. I answer the phone, and it almost feels surreal.
"Hello?"
"Steve, it's (biggest client worth 80% of your companies revenue)..."
"Oh... Oh hey, how's it going?"
"Not good Steve..."
Very early in my career, 80% of the conversations I had were complaints about how the products that I represented sucked. This took a toll on me because, at this point in my life, I was always looking at the situation through the lens of my low self-image. All complaints I heard, my insecurity would comb through all of the vulnerable and shameful parts of me and associate it with the complaint I heard from the client. I've since learned that there are reasons these types of complaints trigger me and how important it is to address those directly as a root cause, but on my journey to discover that, I created a "First Aid" kit of sorts just like Guy Winch suggests.
Rejection. A basic fear. As a child, if we are left isolated, we will likely die. It's a healthy reaction for a child to have the survival/ reptile brain kick in when they feel isolated; however, a time will come when they are self-sufficient enough to care for themselves. Unfortunately, even though I logically knew I could care for myself, I never gave myself enough grace to nurture my reactions and triggers. I felt that fight/flight/freeze reaction almost every time I had someone say something I perceived as negative. Check out the following articles on this topic: Why rejection hurts so much - and what to do about it by Guy Winch
Expectation. Potential is a love-hate word for me. Finding the balance between what I believe I can be while still loving myself exactly as I am now is one of my hardest life lessons I wrestle. Are your expectations setting you up for disappointment? by Amanda Christian
Answers. If I take a step back, the moments of panic I have are actually desperate searches for answers to quickly make me feel safe, secure, smart, etc again. For example, if I am presenting to a client and a question happens I feel unprepared for, my brain panics and looks for a way to look smart because the reality is I feel vulnerable and dumb. Sometimes the panic feelings I get are an automatic search for an answer, but I don't realize that I have no idea what the question is and where it's coming from. Three questions worth asking to find the right answers for you by Jennifer Bailey
Redefine choking under pressure. The anxiousness I feel in high-pressure situations is something I can accept redefine. Part of the reason I panicked and felt anxious is I tried to reject reality. Practice re-defining the message you tell yourself under pressure. The movie 300 talks about how King Leonidas wasn't feeling fear but a heightened sense of things. - The number one reason practice makes perfect by Christopher Bergland - The neurobiology of grace under pressure by Christopher Bergland
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